The Ultimate Test

Which would you rather give to your future husband/wife? A little while back, on one of my previous posts, I received a question as follows: "Why would you wait ["wait" as in remaining pure, I presume] for marriage...and, like, kissing? Are you serious?" (emphasis and punctuation changes mine) After verifying that the questioner truly wanted an answer, I promised to devote an entire post to the subject (since I realized that I actually haven't yet, dispite the fact that the subject is very important to me), and here, at last, it is! Let me start out by saying that I am a Christian, and my desire is to follow after God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you are not a Christian, and you have no desire to please God...or if you are even clueless about who He is, then you may not understand my reasoning that follows...but I encourage you to read on anyway, and to seriously consider what I am saying. I'd also like to reccommend 3 books that I may be quoting from (besides the Bible, which I would reccommend first) on this subject, that are written by people who have a great desire for the truth to be known. These books are: "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris. And another is "Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart" by John Ensor (there are also many good books on this topic by other authors like C.J. Mahaney and John Piper etc.). "I Kissed Dating Goobye"explores the origins of "dating" and the consiquences of following blindly in the "dating game"...and then suggests an alternative: courtship (though we shouldn't be "religeous" about these terms because there are "serial courters" and those who "date" with honor). It also reminds us that we really shouldn't be even worrying about dating or courting until we are ready for commitment, but should instead be guarding our brothers and sisters in Christ's hearts. This book is especially good for the teens (to age 18 or so). "Boy Meets Girl" kindof comes in where "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" leaves off. Joshua Harris has said that he felt bad for all of the people who were unsure of what to do next after they broke up, or had committed not to date, so he wrote "Boy Meets Girl" to give them a glimpse into what they are really saving themselves for, and how to walk through an honorable courtship once you think you've found the "right one" and you and those who know you best feel that you are ready for the commitment (and includes some tips on evaluating yourself, having great communication, and dealing with sin in your life now or from your past). Josh weaves the stories of several different courtships through the book (including his own) as an encouragement, but also reminds his readers that no two stories will be the same. It is an excellent book for those who are in or nearing the age when marriage is becoming a more real goal. "Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart" is a "PG" graded book (graded by me...just because of a reference or two that may not be the best for children to read), that explores the very different, and yet, complimentary roles that God has given to man and woman. Chapter titles include: "He Initiates...She Responds", "He Leads...She Guides", "He Works...She Waits", "He Protects...She Welcomes Protection", "He Abstains to Protect...She, to Test", "His Unmet Desire Drives Him Towards Marriage...Hers Is Rewarded With Marriage", "He Displays Integrity...She, Inner Beauty", "He Loves by Sacrificing...She, by Submitting" etc. So, seeing how there are books and books written on this topic, what I have to say will merely be a small portion...a summary of all there is to say. "Why would you wait for marriage?" Well, the first and foremost reason is that, since I am a Christian, I want to obey what God has commanded...and he has indeed commanded in the Bible that we wait. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, 7-8. "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 There are many places in the Bible where it tells us to flee sexual immorality and to wait for marriage. Within marriage, however, God blesses intimacy between a man and a woman ("Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." - Mark 10:7-8). This is how he created us. Deep within, we each have a longing to be loved by one man/woman, and to save ourselves for them, and then completely give all of ourselves to them once we are married. However, the culture - filled to overflowing with "instant" everything - instant pleasure, instant love, instant mac 'n cheese - tells us that what we "really" want is to take and break as many hearts as we can while making ourselves feel good - for a while - until someone turns our own game on us. How much is a date worth to you? You dress up. You cover all your blemishes and imperfections. You let yourself be swept away by this "cute" or "gorgeous"person...expecting that they're being more real than you are. You feel good. You feel loved. Then two weeks later, they find someone they like better than you. Our hearts are like roses. Each time you get emotionally attached to someone (whether you are dating them or not), it is like they pluck one of the petals off of the sweet-smelling rose of your heart. Person after person greedily grabs at the petals, savoring them for a moment, and then trampling them underfoot in their rush to grab one from someone else. Each person, and your flower looks less and less attractive. Each missing petal reveals another thorn. If you continue, you soon have no petals left, and your fragrance has been dispersed far and wide. You are left with just thorns. And when the person whom you were meant to be with all along, finally makes their appearance in your life, all you have to offer them are thorns. However, I would challenge you to carefully guard the petals of your heart...to wait on God's timing, as your fragrance grows sweeter and stronger. Then, at the right time, The Gardener will come along. He will notice your purity and fragrance. Then, perhaps, another who has also saved their heart will be in His mind, and He will bring both of you together. And on your wedding day, you wil be able to present your love with a heart that is in full bloom, not altogether lacking thorns, but having much fewer than if you had been frivolus in with your heart. It is not easy to wait. I might add that, it seems to me, that the wait is especially hard for girls, if they are waiting for the young man to make the first move...because he can know months or year before asking her father, that this is the girl he wants to marry someday, and he can be working towards that goal. The girl, however, must grow in patience as she waits for all of that time, not knowing what God might be planning for her - hoping someday that someone will love her enough to want to ask for her hand in marriage, but she does not know anything (besides frivolus guessing games) until the moment he asks. The fact that it IS hard to wait, makes waiting the ultimate test. But the more in-love we become with God, the easier it is to wait, and to trust His perfect timing. "Brothers, our power to abstain from sexual impurity and to practice sexual self-control with those with whom we fall in love comes from two sources. One is the love of God accompanied by a childlike desire to please him. The other is love for others, accompanied by the desire to protect, that such love prompts within us. Brothers, practice sexual self-control out of a desire to protect her from sin, guilt, shame, embarrassment, pregnancy, and the fallout that all women bear so disproportionately from sex outside of marriage. Manhood Test Kit: Sisters, abstaining from sexual immorality is, for you, too, a matter of submitting to God and his commands. But it is more. It is God's "Mature Manhood Test Kit" for women. The immature, self-centered, ungodly man will test negative in a matter of weeks. The deceitful and cunning predator will test negative in a matter of days. Men willing to wait, and wanting to wait, will test positive. It is not a lack of sexual interest; it is a healthy fear of God. It is love, which at this point rightfully expresses itself as protection from sin and shame. If he weakens, help him succeed. If all else goes well in the development of the relationship, you know you are marrying a godly man, one who has self-control and a clear sense of his calling as a man. Brothers, sexual purity is also a good self-test for mature manhood. Make it a top priority in the relationship. Make it a matter of your leadership. You will see yourself growing in the grace of God. As Paul said about the disciplines of the Christian life, "Practice these things, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress" (1 Timothy 4:15). Then if all goes well in the relationship, you will be learning to lead well. If, in the unfolding of the relationship, it becomes clear that she is not the one, you have done the honorable thing. You have followed the first law of medicine contained in the Hippocratic Oath: "I will . . . never do harm to anyone." Your self-control has protected a sister in Christ, who will probably go on to be someone else's wife. She, and he, will deeply appreciate your manly leadership in this delicate matter of intimacy." - John Ensor from "Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart" PLUS, God blesses the intimacy of marriage�and curses it outside of marriage. (Mark 10:7-8 again.) Why would you want to do anything less with your short life on this earth, than the best that God has provided for you to do? So, to sum it up: I want to wait for marriage because God commands it, because I want to save all of myself as a precious wedding gift for my future husband, because it is the ultimate test, and because I WANT TO! "...and, like, kissing? Are you serious?" Very serious. I guess that it is more of a matter of opinion on the aspect of kissing...but I want to save my first kiss for my future husband. Seriously, what better gift could I give him on our wedding day? Think of it this way: What if someone were to give you a toothbrush. Ok. That might be nice, and useful...especially if you were needing a new one. BUT, what if that toothbrush had been used already...by three different people. One who you KNOW has yellow teeth - and one who chews tobacco. Eww! To think of their slobber and germs all over it is almost too much! Would you appriciate that gift half as much as if it had been a brand-new toothbrush with a rubber grip, in your favorite color? Well...no analogy is perfect. Obviously a kiss is worth more than a toothbrush (to most people), but it is the same sort of thing with saving a first kiss. Also, it shows to your future husband/wife that you loved them so much before you even met, that you guarded and saved that precious "first" for only them. Here is an excerpt from a book that I am writing (I would appriciate it if it was not used elsewhere without my permission): "Leith nodded to a girl who looked up at him in reverence - and perhaps something more? Her eyes...so blue...they reminded him of the girl he had loved once. She had been everything that he'd thought he wanted in his 15 year-old mind - she was beautiful, funny, and ambitious. She'd looked him in the eye and had said she loved him...but that wasn't enough. Another fellow - Dragel...he could still remember the name - had come along. His eyes were like dark pools of chocolate, and his lips spoke more eloquently than Leith's apparently had. The girl he'd thought that he would marry once he was old enough...she had forgotten him. Leith bit his lip as the memory rushed back. Of course he had given her up now...it had been 6 years ago, but the thought of her blue eyes sparkling as she said "I love you", and her fresh lips as they carefully formed the words, still almost seeemed too near...too dear. In the following year, he had decided that never again would he be so frivolous with his affections. Yes, he would treat all young ladies as sisters, with honor and chivalry. Yes, he would still value their input and friendships, but he would be saving that first kiss that he had nearly lost before, for his wedding day. He sighed. "First times" only come once...and he now looked back at all of the "First times" that he wished he had saved for the woman he would one day marry; his first expression of interest. The first piece of his heart, that he had given away to a shadow...he wished he had saved it. That first "I love you" - oh, how he wished he could summon those words back into his heart, to present them, for the first time to the woman he would one day stand before an altar with and declare that he would never forsake! But now he had vowed to wait for the right timing - when he and the girl were both mature enough, and when God and her parents gave him their approval. He remembered the night - he had been 16 - when he got down on his knees, with tears streaming down his face, and had begged his sister never to make the same mistakes that he had made - to save all of herself for one man. She had not laughed, or simply said, "Whatever you say." She had gotten down beside him and had laid her head on his shoulder and wept with him. She knew the deep hurt his heart had gone through. And, sobbing, as tears fell rapidly down her face, she whispered into his ear, "I will." Right now, Leith was just content to observe the character of noble young women, for he knew that he was not yet ready for the commitment of marriage. He knew he still had much character to develop before he would be worthy to ask someone to consider being his wife. He did, however, have his eye on a young peasant girl, named Breenna. She often came to the marketplace to sell vegetables and flowers, and her stand was always near to the gate that Leith stood guarding most often. He had observed her closely and found occasion to talk to her more than once. She was a fine girl - renowned throughout the village not only for her beauty and grace, but her great abundance of cultivated character. Often the elderly or sick would receive a basket of bread that she had baked, or a vase of flowers picked by her tender hand. She had parties for the little girls to come to and would play with them and teach them all manner of graces and virtues. She was noticeably respectful to her parents and two siblings, and did not find the same pleasure in staring at passing knights in sparkling armor and royal guards with polished swords as many of the other girls did. Just this last virtue of hers alone was enough to make Leith look twice. He no longer cared for the pettiness of most girls...or the momentary pleasure that was found in controlling their fickle hearts, that were too easily won." The question is not "How close can I get to the line, and still be ok?"...it is "How much can I save for my future husband/wife?" To end, I am going to quote some of the words of a song, by a group called "Nevertheless": "We try to come as close as we can to what we can't and not get caught. But instead lets turn And run towards the Light." Questions? Ask. I don't have all the answers...but I know Who does! ~Lady Tai