If Boys Would Be Men, Would Girls Be Ladies?
 Marscel, protecting Susannah's feet from the rocky ground, and giving us a vivid example of what it is to be a gentleman. Some of you may recognize that I stole the title of this post from Joshua Harris' book "Boy Meets Girl" (although he may have "stolen" it from somewhere else...), but I thought it was quite appropriate for what I am going to discuss in this post: Our different, yet complimentary God-given roles as men and women. We have been raised in a culture that applauds ladies acting like guys, being emotionally and physically strong (nothing wrong with that in itself), leaving behind homemaking for "a career", looking down on men as "underlings", flaunting their bodies because it's "their choice" and despising the hindrance of children...not realizing that they are missing a tremendous blessing, AND taking on both the woman's curse (Genesis 3:16) and the man's curse (Genesis 3:17-19). Many ladies will look down their nose with raised eyebrows at a girl who tells them that she isn't planning to go to college, because culture has taught us that that is the only way to spend our single years. In this country, men are taught to be passive and let the ladies romp all over them, they are taught to view ladies as objects rather than God's creation of infinite worth, they are taught that beauty is skin-deep and they can move on to another lady when the one they "had" before doesn't interest them as much, good old-fashioned manners are considered only for sissies, and of course you have to be in love with a girl to carry her books or groceries to the car. He too is taught that he will be a nothing until he attends a college and spends all of that money he doesn't have to graduate. It is actually quite the cycle: ladies look down on men as weak, and the more they do, the less the men will try to do and the more the ladies will see them as irrespectable and weak, and the more the woman looks down on him, the less he cherishes her...well...you see my point, I hope. What can we do? Well... 1.) We can redeem our single years. 2.) Boys can act like men. 3.) Girls can act like ladies. We can redeem our single years. Where has God called you? Don't know? Perhaps it isn't to college you should run to find the answer, but to God. At this point in your life (no matter what age you are), you surely don't want to waste any time doing something that you have no passion for, or do not feel God calling you to do simply because the culture seems to demand it. And college can be a costly mistake if you don't need to go there. Pray. Seek God. How has he made you/with what skills has he gifted you? Do these lead to needing a college degree in any way? Is there any alternative: apprenticeship? For young men to provide for a family someday, it may be more necessary to attend college...BUT as I mentioned, there ARE alternatives, and when our trust is in God and we are diligent to do what he has called us to do, he will provide. If God has called you to college, use your time there wisely and be sure you know what you want before you dive in. Stand strong for God and be a light in dark places. Don't spend all your school time wishing you were somewhere else, or dreaming about the guys/girls there. However, if you think there are more profitable things you can do with your time than going to college: starting your own business, learning about home-making, becoming an apprentice to someone who is good at what they do...or even just serving the church, then jump in, by all means and use your time wisely. Not only should we use our working time wisely, but we should also use our free time wisely. The most important thing you can do in your free time is to seek God and read His Word. These years as a single, young adult (if you are one) are valuable. They will never come again once you are married, and there will never be the same opportunities to invest your time in the ways that you now can. So many guys and girls spend all of their single years wishing they were married, and after they get married, they see how very little they actually accomplished while they were single, but no longer have time to do the things they could have done. So, what can you do now that it might be too late to do once you get married? Boys can act like men. You young men were created to lead, to provide, to initiate...and to cherish ladies with all purity, like they were your sisters (1 Timothy 5:2). The culture's wrong view has led men to believe that they should be followers (going along with whatever comes around), that the ladies can provide well enough so that they can stay home and watch TV, that ladies will let them know what they want to do, and that those same ladies are as worthless as a can of tuna. Yes, ladies should have choices, but there are specific, God-given roles for man and for woman. They are very different, but neither is "better" than the other, and they are meant to be complementary. They are meant to show the perfection of God's plan to the rest of the world. So, what can you do now? I suggest reading up on Biblical Manhood/roles. John Piper, C.J. Mahaney, John Ensor and Joshua Harris, just to name a few, have great resources out on this subject. You can also learn some manners! Seem strange? Well, when was the last time you got a book on manners out with the intent of learning all you could? It may not be in the status quo any more, but what ever happened to good, old fashioned gentlemen? Gentlemen who carried ladies' books for them, who opened doors for them, who would give up their seat so a lady would not have to stand, who initiate sincere conversations with ladies with no other purpose than to be friendly or growing in godliness, who take of hats when entering a building or praying, who would do anything that would make a lady feel more comfortable or that would save her honor. Be a gentleman, and show the world what being "different" can accomplish. One note here, I must say with due pride that several young men I have come into contact with do exhibit the "old-fashioned" manners that I listed above...most notably in my very own church! You will almost never see a lady standing when it is in the power of one of these young men to give her his seat. Never worry about opening a door if your hands are full (or even if they aren't) if these modern-day heroes are around - the doors will open before you as if by magic! If it is raining after church, just look outside, and you will see several young men carrying umbrellas (their own idea) for the ladies as they go to their cars. To those of you who strive to be gentlemen, you have my most sincere appreciation and honor...which leads me to my last point: Girls can act like ladies. Ladies, it is up to us when we see a display of chivalry and gentlemanliness to encourage the young man by taking the offered chair, letting him carry our bags, and saying "thank-you" when he opens a door. If he begins a conversation with us or starts a discussion about spiritual things, we must support him in every way possible. These young men are the leaders of tomorrow...and we must let them lead! Not only must we let them lead, but also we must be their friends...their sisters in Christ, whom they can trust and count on. For many of us girls, college may not be something that would be as useful to us as it might be to some men. What then are we to do? Embrace the idea that being a godly wife and mother is one of the noblest callings a woman can have, and then prepare. It is a fact that most of us will end up married, and why is it that we think we can spend years at college becoming a teacher or nurse, and think that we don't have to learn anything about homemaking before we are thrust into it? If we go to college for 4 years, and then get a job for...say 2 years before getting married, that is only 6 years in our "career". When we get married, it will be (in most cases) AT LEAST 20 years - probably more! So, why prepare so little for this vocation that will last longer than any other? I am at a place in my life, where I must choose to put away many of the old things and selfishness and take on a new task: preparing to serve my future husband and make our future home a haven of peace and love. And, it isn't the easiest thing, seeing friends go off to college while you stay behind, but I trust that one day it will be more than worth it, when my future husband sits down to a home-cooked meal in his cozy, clean house. :) However, you do not have to spend every waking minute as a homemaking intern (though that may work out best for many families), but also you can use this time to do things for God that you may not have the time to do once you are married. I blog (if you couldn't tell), am working on writing a book, serve with our church and at our church (including taking over leadership of a biblical accountability group for younger girls), I may help my father with his business, and hope to serve some of the families in our church with younger children someday. These are things that might not be so easy to do with a husband and children. So, growing in Biblical Femininity is a grand adventure that not many people set out on these days. Make the most of it. For now, Lady Tai |
posted by Tai Sophia at 4:59 PM
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